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God Needs Glasses


I have issues. You have issues. We all have issues.

Some of us have issues so overwhelming we need to leave the planet. While others like myself, who has contemplated the great beyond, has made myself aware of the details of our common human ideologies.

I’ve come to the conclusion that God needs glasses.

It must be a terrible thing in the lexicon of deities, we have created, that you can part the Red Sea but are myopic. Specifically I’m talking about the Hebrew, Christian God. The one Indiana Jones referenced when he was looking for God’s misplaced cup.

See what I mean? Maybe you don’t.

A characteristic of the human race is that we all have pride. Some more than others. Seems our current president has a heroic sense of his self worth over us all. However, back to us humans; we all like to think that if there is a God he would know us right?

So why does he want males to cut off the end of their penis?

The answer is so that he can recognize us on Judgement Day as being a follower of his.  


So the creator of this universe we are told by the believing brethren and gals. Females are second class citizens in this debate according to the fundamentalists please can’t tell us apart from the sinner unless we have our hood removed.

Consequently as each male among us dies they are met at the gates of heaven by St. Peter. This is the Catholic belief that St. Peter holds the keys to heaven and is the permanent doorman to the gates of heaven. He asks each male to pull down their pants so that God can stamp their bacon with a Grade “A” approval and let them into paradise.

Now Christians, Jews and Muslims share this anti-foreskin belief.

Oh and by the way, the three great western religions all share the same holy city where everything happened and none of the other things happened for the other religions. Remember that for future Sunday afternoon conversations.

Second on my list is how God can be tricked because his eyesight is not so good. The Amish and Mennonites can use snaps as closure to their clothes but not zippers. Zippers are a machine. God forbid he sees you using a modern machine, but somehow he’s a cool cat when it comes to snaps?

And then right there in the same ballpark is the Jewish belief of not doing work on their holy day Saturday. There’s a whole industry of buttons versus switches. What you can lift and who can lift. Let the infidel do the lifting but if a machine did it it’s okay too etc. etc.

It seems that the western God doesn’t really pay attention to details. He, she, it, can be fooled by simple tricks of legerdemain. Yet, he’s responsible for everything? 

It makes you rub your eyes and ask yourself if you’re in the same myopic group as God.

Do we see truth or fiction? 




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