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Evil Nostalgia

Evil Nostalgia - Why do we long for the past?

It’s fun to remember things that happened in our past. Childhood has both good and bad memories but we weed out those things that upset us.

I remember I wanted a two wheel bike. I kept asking my parents for a bike and they gave the usual excuse that it cost too much.

Then on my birthday, I’m guessing it was around eight or nine years old, they blind folded me. When the pulled off the kitchen towel it revealed a red two wheel bike. It had an electric horn and multicolor plastic streamers coming out of the hand grips. Fantastic.

Well, I took off on the bike wobbling along with the training wheels down the street.

I came upon my friend Karl Whitesman, who was autistic. I proudly told him I just got a new bike. He took one look and said, “It’s not new. It’s old.” Old? I looked down and what I thought was a red bike was actually rust. 

It was rusted solid including the chrome. My parents must have found it at the bottom of Lake Erie.

A lot of people have a nostalgia, a wish to return to a former time. In most cases that wish, that desire is for a time they will say was simpler. What they really mean to say is there were less choices. Less responsibility. Less awareness. Less acceptance. Less knowledge. Less cognition. 

Becoming an adult makes you aware of the reality of life.

If you become an adult.

If you become an adult you are aware you can make mistakes. You can make your life and others happy, sad, terrible, miserable.

It’s your choice.

People don’t like to make choices.

In fact, there are some who actually fear making choices. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of judgement. Fear of responsibility. Fear of awareness. Fear of acceptance. Fear of rejection. Fear of knowledge. Fear of cognition.

White House Chief of Staff is essentially the concierge of an administration. They keep the people in an administration up and running.

The other day General Kelly wished for a past when things were sacred.

He obviously was feeling the stress of his moment in time when he wished upon a star to return, that shown so dimly for so many except for white men.

He was trying to defend a man who had broken with the ideal of sanctity a long time ago. He was at odds with the facts both current and of the past he was nostalgic for.

That’s what happens when one wishes instead of doing.

When one is unwilling to accept things as they are. That the universe, the galaxy, the earth, life, the individual all change. 

You cannot hold time back from the inevitable change that will occur without your permission.

As it was said by a poet of the recent past, ”Either help or get out of the way when change comes your way.”

Nostalgia at it’s heart is evil. It wants what is the now to not only not change but to reverse and go back from whence it came.

It is divorcing your self from the reality of this universe that everything changes.

The nostalgia Kelly speaks of, repressed women and minorities to all be subservient, to the whims of the white male master of the house.

A simple time for simple minds.

A time when white men did not have to be bothered with worrying they had done something wrong, when in their position, they could never be found wrong.

Time has left some behind the times in which we live. It has left them clutching at a past that will not return. Especially when people of good faith and good hearts unite as we move forward towards the prize.



Forces Film, Again Begin

No Doubt


Who do you doubt?

Who do you give the benefit of the doubt?

What does that mean, “Give the benefit of the doubt?”

Just yesterday I was in line at my grocery store and there appeared to be an adult male in front of me checking out also. However, he was texting and the clerk asked multiple times for him to pay as he fingered his device. He didn’t know if he needed a bag. He couldn’t work the card machine without the clerks help.

I made a mistake giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was an adult.

Doubt giving is linked to trust.

Who do you trust?

We say to ourselves, “I believe that person is like me. They think like me, they feel like me, they understand like me.” However, should we do that in every way? Should we proverbially “bend over backwards,” in all situations, in all circumstances?

Some businesses now have a motto on how to deal with customers. “Benefit of intent.” Assume that the customer has no ill intent when dealing with them and their concerns. 

Are we to turn a blind eye to intent?

When do we take action when we realize we are being used?

Is there a collective loss of memory that there are bad people in the world doing bad things because that’s their plan?

The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, PH.D. examines the fact that 1 in 25 Americans secretly have no conscience and can do anything without feeling guilty.

Sociopaths can be your mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, grandmother, grandfather, friend, nun, acquaintance, boss, manager, HR person, next-door-neighbor, priest, clerk, charity fundraiser, mail person, reverend, bus driver, celebrity, producer, executive, CEO, senator, congress person, POTUS.

Anyone in your life…

They are the reason why shit happens in the world. The good hearted people, the people with morality are taken advantage of by the sociopath because we collectively believe that everyone is like us. That everyone has morality just like ours.

They don’t!

The sociopath thrives on our collective ignorance of their existence. It’s not as if they don’t know the difference between good and bad. The simple truth is they don’t care. They don’t care who or what they use or destroy as long as they benefit.

Maybe it is time to think about the problems that surround us all and why or who is at the heart of why they don’t get any better.

Doubt and trust should only be reserved for those who are human.

Those without empathy are defined as monsters.

No doubt.




Forces Film, Again Begin

To Humble Myself


Have you ever run into a bear in the woods? A mother bear with two cubs? And have you come nose to nose, that close?

I did.

She looked at me. I looked at her. The two cubs looked up at me with curiosity in their eyes. I didn’t yell. I didn’t talk. I didn’t gesture.

What did I do?

I humbled myself and quietly and as slowly as I could I backed up while still facing her until I got a good distance away. Once she saw I was removed from the path, the mother bear took off with the two cubs following close behind.

What do we do when we want others to know we are in the midst of trouble that we can’t handle by ourselves?

Raise a flag.

Call a friend.

Write a letter.

Send a text.

Yell for help…

Take a knee.

The religious every day have an opportunity to take a knee before their God and ask for help. It’s an outward sign of an inward conflict. I can’t deal with this problem by myself oh Lord. I ask for help. Please.

It goes all the way back to kingdoms and monarchs. You stood before the aristocracy and asked for mercy. You bowed. You took a knee. You humbled yourself in the hopes that this earthly mortal would summon the grace to grant your request.

1776 came along and that ended here. I believe it’s official. There is a constitution that enshrines basic rights to all citizens of this country, even members of the NFL.

We no longer have to ask a King for mercy in this democratic experiment. However, trouble doesn’t understand time. Or place. Or race. It pours itself out like a pack of lions after prey. The individual can’t stand against the odds. But together on one knee we are strong.

It’s hard to humble oneself. To admit you don’t know or don’t understand. That old saying, “To live in someone else’s shoes.” It is far easier to dismiss another’s feelings. To dismiss another’s life when it’s not like yours. But why is that?

I extol everyone to humble themselves and listen.

To look.

To hear the words.

To understand the problem.

Shut your eyes and hear the tears.

Feel the urgent need of now.




Forces Film, Again Begin

Who That


“Who is in the kitchen cooking my Chinese dinner?”

“Is it a Mexican?”

“Where is that guy from?” 

“He looks like an Armenian. They are bad people.”

“Look at the lips on that one would you.”

“You know who is responsible for all the shit that’s going on?  They’re the reason we can’t have a good country.”

These are the words I heard from a man who is from the greatest generation. He and just about every member of that generation define everything, everyone, every event with race.

I’m standing beside a pool in Ocala, Florida with the residents of the retirement community. The chit chat includes why you can’t go into town at night, the Coons. Why you can’t go across the tracks, the Cubans. Why it’s only safe to get a haircut in a particular shop because they don’t cut niggers hair.

All of these people attend the local Baptist church. They pray to God at every meal. Cry and lift each other up as they die. Bring hot casseroles and pies to those left behind.

Yet behind the church is the Black church. Right there on the main road into Ocala.

The black is not welcomed into the white church in the black churches front yard.

Oh, they help the black church the white church does. They collect up the used Sunday school workbooks and give them to the black church. There’s nothing like a work book all ready filled out about Jesus to tell you how much he and the white parishioners love you.


You’re not going to change these people. Each one of them will cling to their prejudice with their last Medicare assisted breath. They’ve learned at the knee of our past racist American forefathers the meaning of, “Everything has its place and a place for everything.”

To allow anything out of place is a sin against Gods word.

“You going to hell boy if help them coloreds!” From the lips of the church deacon.

Now, we have the Baby Boomers, the children of the greatest generation. How are they doing on that racism, bigotry thing they surely fed from as children?

Our current president is one of them.

The GOP is dominated by them.

The House and the Senate leadership is well manned by them.

Do you see anything?

Can you hear anything?

Do you feel it?




Forces Film, Again Begin

God Needs Glasses


I have issues. You have issues. We all have issues.

Some of us have issues so overwhelming we need to leave the planet. While others like myself, who has contemplated the great beyond, has made myself aware of the details of our common human ideologies.

I’ve come to the conclusion that God needs glasses.

It must be a terrible thing in the lexicon of deities, we have created, that you can part the Red Sea but are myopic. Specifically I’m talking about the Hebrew, Christian God. The one Indiana Jones referenced when he was looking for God’s misplaced cup.

See what I mean? Maybe you don’t.

A characteristic of the human race is that we all have pride. Some more than others. Seems our current president has a heroic sense of his self worth over us all. However, back to us humans; we all like to think that if there is a God he would know us right?

So why does he want males to cut off the end of their penis?

The answer is so that he can recognize us on Judgement Day as being a follower of his.  


So the creator of this universe we are told by the believing brethren and gals. Females are second class citizens in this debate according to the fundamentalists please can’t tell us apart from the sinner unless we have our hood removed.

Consequently as each male among us dies they are met at the gates of heaven by St. Peter. This is the Catholic belief that St. Peter holds the keys to heaven and is the permanent doorman to the gates of heaven. He asks each male to pull down their pants so that God can stamp their bacon with a Grade “A” approval and let them into paradise.

Now Christians, Jews and Muslims share this anti-foreskin belief.

Oh and by the way, the three great western religions all share the same holy city where everything happened and none of the other things happened for the other religions. Remember that for future Sunday afternoon conversations.

Second on my list is how God can be tricked because his eyesight is not so good. The Amish and Mennonites can use snaps as closure to their clothes but not zippers. Zippers are a machine. God forbid he sees you using a modern machine, but somehow he’s a cool cat when it comes to snaps?

And then right there in the same ballpark is the Jewish belief of not doing work on their holy day Saturday. There’s a whole industry of buttons versus switches. What you can lift and who can lift. Let the infidel do the lifting but if a machine did it it’s okay too etc. etc.

It seems that the western God doesn’t really pay attention to details. He, she, it, can be fooled by simple tricks of legerdemain. Yet, he’s responsible for everything? 

It makes you rub your eyes and ask yourself if you’re in the same myopic group as God.

Do we see truth or fiction? 




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Forces Film, Again Begin

I Hear


We are the best.

I hear racism.

We are the greatest.

I hear bigotry.

America great again.

White privilege.

Leave Paris.

I hear enemy.

I represent Pittsburgh.

I hear the angry tenor of rage.

No agreement.

I hear profiteering through anarchy.

We are first.

I hear fear of change.

Climate hoax.

I hear personal greed.

Disassemble the State.

I hear the tyrant King.


I hear the clack of heels, a withdrawal from the present into the past.

I hear the fear that brown people will remember and discriminate against the white.

I hear fear of the future in that voice.

I hear fear leads to anger, to hate, to…

I hear.




Forces Film, Again Begin

Why We Kill

fish head, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film

The infant child looked at the stranger who took his teddy bear and hid it with contempt. A murderous rage erupted declaring, “Off with their head! Die you son of a bitch!”

Don’t believe it?

Every one of us is born with a gene that informs us, gives us a feeling, an inner voice that whispers don’t trust the stranger. When in doubt kill them.

Why is it there? What use is it? I understand genes and traits are passed down. Every other generation looks, behaves, has similar physiological traits as its grandparents. My son shares a body type of my grandfather. Someone in your family shares the nose of Aunt May. The eyes of Grandpappy Howl and the rotten attitude of Popi.

What use is murder as a trait that is passed down?

I’m not a geneticist. My area is physics and art. In January 2013, Smithsonian Magazine covered the recent research concerning “Are Babies Born Good?” by Abigail Tucker. The fast answer is no. We are all born to one degree or another not to trust the stranger. To want them dead. 

Why? My observation I’ll take credit for is this; it allows the individual to survive in a hostile environment where rapid change in environmental conditions dictate the individual that is proactive protecting itself survives. Consequently, it can reproduce itself.

The creation of an apex predator in this equation renders the answer, human kind.

What tempers our natural inclination to kill? Society, ideology, the group, the community.

When we believe that another person, another group doesn’t deserve help, aid, assistance, medical care. When we believe we are doing the right thing by denying the other because they are not the right kind, didn’t work for it, doesn’t belong to my club, my belief, my race or my color..

We are listening to an immoral code who knows nothing of right or wrong let alone empathy.

We collectively have created ideologies that bolster these all to human beliefs that choose to ignore the voices of better angels.

That better world awaits once we lay down our childish toys of our origins and tell our instinct to shut up and sit down. We're trying to have a society here.


Daniel J. Frey

Forces Film, Again Begin

Again Begin

Did you know I draw?

I drew before I could write and I still draw down onto paper my observations, visions..

I draw upon my life and experience. Being an asthmatic child and adult. Of dying when I was seventeen. Of being an orderly tending the sick, applying CPR on over 114 people, of caring for the dead, of forgetting my family and whole history, of finding love, of losing it and finding it again, of the gift of a beautiful son and daughter..

To that end and new beginning I have begun a monthly extended graphic novel around the central drive of my life to help make the world better. To point to the open door where our better angels wait for us all.

Again Begin is a journey to the central problem in the world the human race. It has been a story I've worked on for the past 40 years. Personal disasters, failures aside, I have turned to this story many times as I lay my self to sleep.  In light of the times, in the light of dim direction, plainly no light at all going on in some heads we give the title leader,  I will bring to light this tale of science fiction wrapped around an ancient parable to stir our genetic memory.

A new myth..

Thank you Joseph Campbell.

Below is a page exclusive to this website from issue number one of Again Begin available through all the outlets of ebooks as well as a printed version at Amazon.



refugees, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film
Forces Film, Again Begin


Toby, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film

Just today a person was calling out, asking, if someone would buy them food. The crowd pushed past as the woman asked over and over can someone buy her food? Many were busy intent on their errand the game was on they had to get back with the food for their friends, their guests, their lover.

Asking for food from strangers... 

The voice comes from the earth from the ditch asking for food.

The religious passed by dressed in their Sunday wear. The teenager absorbed in their darkness couldn't hear. A woman was on her phone. A man brushed past annoyed.  

Can you buy me food?

Self critique is difficult. It's understandable why we all are reluctant to examine our own intent our own soul. Ask yourself are you a friend, are you a companion, are you a giver, are you a lover?

If a person has to ask you for friendship, companionship, love then you are not their friend, their companion, their lover.

I told the woman to follow me into the grocery. I asked her to pick a meal, a sandwich and a drink, she looked at me into my eyes, no words exchanged as she returned to the earth fed.

She didn't have to ask..


Forces Film, Again Begin

Man In Black

pin, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film

I’ve been asked why I always wear black. Here’s the answer…

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,

Why you never see bright colors on my back,

And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.

Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.


I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,

Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,

I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,

But is there because he's a victim of the times.


I wear the black for those who never read,

Or listened to the words that Jesus said,

About the road to happiness through love and charity,

Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.


Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,

In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,

But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,

Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.


I wear it for the sick and lonely old,

For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,

I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,

Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.


And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,

Believen' that the Lord was on their side,

I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,

Believen' that we all were on their side.


Well, there's things that never will be right I know,

And things need changin' everywhere you go,

But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,

You'll never see me wear a suit of white.


Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,

And tell the world that everything's OK,

But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,


'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

      Johnny Cash

Can’t say it any better.





Forces Film, Again Begin


gluten, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film

The western world has become afraid of bread. Why? Isn’t bread the staple of life? Wars have been fought over it. Hell, even Lenin promised a chicken in every pot and a loaf of bread, which was a better deal than what the Czars were giving. Starvation and all the dirt you could pack into your pockets.

Bread can move people. It can change their perspective. I myself indulge in the crusty goodness as much as I can. There’s a place in Eureka, CA a restaurant called the Samoa Cookhouse. They serve fresh baked country loafs with each meal with apple butter and strawberry jam. I eat a whole loaf when I’m there. I had a change of perspective I’m a glutton for gluten.

The Jews followed a trail of breadcrumbs all the way through a desert at the end of which they had a change of perspective.

But why the fear of gluten? Yes, I know there is a minority that has an allergy but why the widespread effort to turn our collective backs on bread? Could there be something at the edge of consciousness that we’re afraid of?

I offer this…

Bread has always been linked with the body the substance the sustenance of love. Always shared, broken apart at meals and passed to the person next to you. I give this to you; I will feed you because I love you, please pass it on.

In our fast paced world going a hundred miles an hour we don’t want to be reminded that the person next to us is a human too. We isolate ourselves; we insulate and declare ourselves superior to those we deem inferior. Love is only for our minority, our club, only good people not those people.

An echo in the darkness of memory…

Go and feed them that cry out and are hungry.

Bread = Love



Forces Film, Again Begin

Dead Speak

mother and child, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film

I died. That’s right you’re reading the musings of the dead. Officially when I was seventeen I died during a procedure to see why I wasn’t able to breath. I woke up to a literal brand new world.

My brain for some strange reason needed oxygen. It dried up. Without it, my brain forgot a lot and still won’t remember anything from my previous life. I didn’t know my family, I had no memory of my childhood to that point in October of 1977, but strangely I knew who the president was Jimmy Carter.

All the memories good or bad of childhood and the teen years was lost with no baggage claim number to call. My life hit the reset button and at the age of eighteen I started to learn about the world as an adult. No fears, no ideals, I was introduced to mankind with no preconceived ideas.

I didn’t like what I found.

A father out of control with rage, a mother on the cross, everyone saying one thing and doing another. Told my obligation was to attend a religion. There I found the host around me doing their time like students in detention with their minds already in the parking lot instead of attending to those words…

Words about love.

I’m not from here I’ve known that since I woke up in the hospital bed with my ribs broken and my neck bent back. I’m supposed to be dead. What keeps me is an idea. Some call it the better angels of man’s soul if that even exists which so far mankind on it’s whole doesn’t demonstrate that it has one. However, a man who also lost his life, his love gave expression to a revealed truth.

An idea.

The world, the universe remains neutral over the fight between good and evil. All we have in the end is each other. It’s our duty nay our privilege to make each other’s world a better place in so far as we can.

Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be. – Don Quixote




Forces Film, Again Begin

Where Is Love?

where is love, Daniel J Frey, Forces Film

Oliver Twist in the musical Oliver laments and prays about the whereabouts of love while he’s locked in the basement of a funeral parlor where he’s an indentured servant. This scene is no allegory. There are no hidden meanings here. He’s trapped in a dark world where the light of love refuses to shine for him.

I want to ask the same question, where is love?

A lot of us think we know what it means. We believe we have it, want it, are able to express it, know when it’s being expressed towards us. But knowing the definition doesn’t mean we can actually do it. I know the definition of a pole-vaulter but if I attempted an even modest leap my lack of understanding of its definition would result in a spectacular YouTube worthy fail.

Love is an ideal that many attempt but few will be able to stick the landing. However, you can find a few gold medal winners Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Lao Tzu…

Hey, also include that person who was done a terrible wrong but still looked through the lens of love and saw past the deed and understood the heart and still returned love without blame to you. There are faithful holders of the ideal sprinkled amongst all of us.

Love is the hardest emotion to understand with the intellect, it defies logic because it’s the language of the soul, the song of the heart. We're all tone deaf it appears in this world of ours to it's melody and lyric. Like Oliver we’re all locked in a dark world that mistreats us, batters our souls, misshapes our perceptions, ignites anger, walls in hate, whispers lies telling us we’re misunderstood, alone, unwanted.

Be the answer to Oliver’s prayer. Act with love. Do it today.



Forces Film, Again Begin